I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
