I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
