So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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