I hate your face
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
