I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize