Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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