I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
