not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I smell like Dick and happiness
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
