I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
