You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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