i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
