do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
