i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I wear drunk well.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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