hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
