she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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