I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize