Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
