I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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