Cold hands, warm shart.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
