You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
