dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
In America we eat man semen.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
