pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
