thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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