okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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