i think my tv is drunk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
