i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
