the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
