my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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