Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
