her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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