it wasn't lemon gatorade
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
