Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
