i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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