At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
