I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
