Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my sisters under your porch take her home
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
