shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize