you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
