So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize