don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
