the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
