I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
