i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
