I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I intend to get homeless drunk
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
