i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
