The maid of honor just puked.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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