i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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