My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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