I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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