I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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