I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
