chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize