You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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