Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
