everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
