i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
