I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
