she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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