I think i sorta joined a cult last night
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
