I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
