beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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