Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
