what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
