I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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