I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
