Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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