They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
