Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
