She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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