i love accidental penises.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
