I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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