I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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