Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize