in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
