A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
