When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
