I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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