He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize